the business of cards.

I’ve been working at my company for about a year now, and I figured that it was about time to get some business cards. I don’t really think that I’ve really ever had the use for them – the only recollections I’ve ever had of actually needing one was when I went on a hotel property tour and didn’t have one to give to the hotel rep at the end of the tour – but, as far as work goes, there’s nothing that really solidifies the fact that you actually have a job than a 2 inch by 3 and a half inch card with your name on it.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t want the cards because they are some magical achievement of modern design like some people’s cards I’ve seen. On the contrary, they’re almost reactionary. The card design would be more suitable for a job title like “Senior Pencil Salesman” or perhaps “Associate Aluminum Purchaser.” Put simply, they’re ugly.

No, I want these cards for the most un-aesthetic of reasons; they’re free.

So while they may be unsightly, this is what I’m offered. And really, since the only people that will ever see them are my friends and maybe some hotel reps, who cares, right? It’s got my name! And it serves as proof to people that I do actually work for a living. I mean, kinda.

So, I get to the point where it is actually time to order the cards through our office services staff. The standard order for cards is 500.

I don’t need 500 business cards.

Then I was told that there is no way that the order can be split in any way or reduced. If I get a new job, or change anything on the cards, I’ve been instructed to throw them away, which just seems so wasteful.

So, while I still don’t need 500 business cards, I have them. All of them. There are really two options here: either start getting really into synergy and attempt to get a whole bushel of contacts by just start handing out the cards to everyone I meet at the bar, therefore becoming that guy; or get creative.

As a result, I’ve been thinking of some ways that I could possibly use all 500 of these ugly things. It’s a preliminary list, but I’m thinking of new distribution methods every day:

• If I’m in the office and am in desperate need of a deck of cards (hey, you never know), I can now just take 52 of the business cards and draw values on the back side. Seeing as how this would cut into approximately 10% of the total, I think someone in my office needs to have a poker tournament or something ASAP. Maybe I’ll send out an all staff email. Gambling on company time is fine, right?
• I could use them as really, really small postcards.
• Now I’ve got 500 bookmarks, if you need one.

And so forth. Anyone else have any fun ideas? If so, please help yourself.